Friday, August 26, 2011

The Big Unboxing

It seems Destro got a box this week from the folks over at Kokomo Toys!  You see, between running MARS and trying to come up with ways to take over the world through running guns, Destro is always on the lookout for a base of operations that meets his high expectations for quality and awesomeness.  Hollowed out volcanic islands are out of style, and he didn't know about the retired nuclear missile silo on eBay a few years ago until after it was over.  Since then, he has kept his eye on the online auction site.  Last week, his prayers were answered.  Lets watch!
It says sky striker, but there better not 
be any sky strikers in there!

Just shooting away the backing tape with a chain gun...

Ok!  The tape and two flaps are gone.

All four flaps are open!  Time for one of Destro's
patented Pimp Daddy Destro Dance Party moments.

Gotta shoot away some packing paper...

All the paper is gone! Just there are some
plastic bubble packing force fields.  The chain
gun will make fast work of those.

Gotta take a breather after all of that shooting. 
Destro's arm is throbbing from the vibrations
of the the minigun.

Now he's gotta pop open the fortress's regular packing...

Destro figures this is what it must feel like for one of his customers
when they open up their first shipment of his massive and powerful weapons
that in no way compensate for shortcomings in other areas.

Ok Charley, have the crane pull the packaging UP!

Thank goodness, the instructions to put together
the new modular fortress as still intact.

Dear Insane Person: Congrats on your purchase of
this premium Tower of Doom(tm) model Super Villain
Headquarters and Lair!  Your Tower of Doom(tm) Super
Villain Headquarters and Lair can be assembled in seven steps with
tools found in any hardware store or prison shop facility.

1. Remove cardboard/steel protective

2. Place laser gun turret atop tower.  Feel free to
rotate it from side to side while making "baCHEW!
baCEW!" or "kaPOW! kaPOW!" sounds and imaging
death of your enemies, boss, or difficult clients.

"BaChewbaCHEWbaCHEW!  The check is in
mail?  I got your MAIL right here!!!!

3. Construct Command Chair truss assembly.

4. Attach Command Chair to Command
Chair truss assembly.  For your comfort and  convenience,
the Command Chair has been equated with several knobs
that can be used to adjust chair height and lumbar support.

4.1 Feel free to try out the Command Chair and
Command Chair truss assembly sliding
action while saying "wheeeeee!"



Destro knows that Cobra Commander
is going to be so jealous he  doesn't
have a Command Chair or
Command Chair truss assembly over at the

5. Become familiar with the Computerized Data Kiosk.
Decals of computers, screens and readouts will need to be
applied before Computerized Data Kiosk can be brought
fully online.

6. Valuables, such as suitcases of cash made from
illegal arms sales, can be safely stored in one of several
reinforced vaults found throughout the facility.

Holy crap, this thing looks awesome!

Hello???  Helllllllo?  Is anyone there? 

Please step into my parlor, said the spider to the fly.

7. To activate Trap Door feature, pull the Trap Door Latch
up and away from the wall. Keep pulling until the
Trap Door Feature fires.

Best base EVAH! 
::Pimp Daddy Destro Dance Party Time::

Its still
::Pimp Daddy Destro Dance Party Time::

"Hey!  This use to by MY Tower of Doom," said Dr. Doom.
"I'm sure we can work something out," said Destro. 
"Messa wanna get outta heeah," said Jar Jar.

"Your MARS Industry Time Share Agreements seems quite reasonable," said Dr. Doom.
"We are MARS Industries are always happy to work with intelligent dictator tyrants bent
on world domination," said Destro
"Annie!  Padme! Somebody HEEEEEELP me!" said Jar Jar.

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